Final Move

It hasn't even been 2 months since I moved to Blogspot but I'm switching to a different blogging software again. I thought Blogspot would be enough but it's not as flexible as I originally thought.

The new blog URL:
Wayward Now Home @ Wordpress

Hopefully I'll see you all there! If anyone has this blog bookmarked or subscribed, please update your bookmarks and feeds! Thanks.

Still Green Leaves... For Now

God has blessed me beyond description with Charles Leiter's book, Justification and Regeneration. I've read a chapter (sometimes less) every weeknight since I got it in the mail a week ago and it has blessed me in ways that I didn't think possible.

I've been struggling greatly with sin and it has caused lots of doubt in my life. Paul writes in his second epistle to the Corinthians that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old things have passed, the new things have come. I hear this so often that I started asking myself, "If you really are a new creature, why are you still committing these horrible acts of sin?" I began doubting my regeneration and salvation, which is a very dangerous thing to do. Doing that will only lead you to wallow in sorrow and despair, which distracts you from looking towards Christ and glorifying Him with your life.

I just read a chapter in Justification and Regeneration that dealt with these issues I have and it brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart.

Beloved Christian, sin's days are numbered in your life! The ax has already been laid to the root of your sin. Like a tree that has been cut off at ground level, its leaves may still appear green for a while, but the fact is that its life is over. It is only a matter of time until every leaf withers and falls to the ground!

Charles Leiter, Justification and Regeneration

These sins that I struggle with are just remnants of my old self. Though my flesh will still sin, it is not a representation of who I really am in Christ. Sin will attempt to reign over my body but if I walk with the Spirit, sin has no power over me. If you're reading this and struggle with the same problems, I pray that God would enlighten you with the truth and bring peace to your soul. Seek His face and walk in His ways and His grace will shine upon you!

Video Recording & Covers

Today was filled with the same, old activities and routines. However, there was one new thing that I did today: I recorded myself covering a couple worship songs with my sister's digital camera and I uploaded them to my YouTube account. As of now, I've covered Aaron Shust's My Savior, My God and Matt Redman's and Chris Tomlin's Wonderful Maker. Check them out if you want!

I think I'll cover a lot more songs throughout the rest of the summer. Maybe I'll even play a few of my original songs (none of which are complete) and put them up as well!

It was actually fun to see myself playing the guitar. There's just something about hearing and seeing myself on video that makes me laugh and feel slightly embarrassed. I'll keep recording videos of myself, though! Maybe someone will be blessed by one. Praise God!

A Blessing and a Curse

On Saturday, my youth group and I celebrated the birthday of one of our kids. We had a great time of fellowship and we spent the majority of the day in a park for a picnic with activities. For the first time in over 6 months, I got to play tennis!

Having come home from college, I can't help but be locked up in my room all day. There's really nothing for me to do around here. I live in the suburbs so anything that is remotely interesting is not within walking distance. I don't have a car. My college friends don't live near me. My youth group is still in school for another month. I'm left with nothing to do but whatever is available on my computer.

[Jesus said,] "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. If you abide in Me and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples."

John 15:5-8

Based on how the past week or so went, this is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I have a lot of time on my hands to spend in the Word, read Christian literature, play my guitar and practice my songwriting. On the other hand, the internet can be a source of procrastination, distraction and temptation. The logical thing to do would be to limit my internet time, and although that would help me immensely, it would also require a lot of discipline, which is something that I lack greatly in the midst of summer and boredom.

So there's really nothing left for me except to pray for strength and grace to keep my priorities in order, to keep my focus where it should be, to make myself smaller and to make God's glory everything. I want to be fruitful. I want to abide in Christ. I want to prove myself a faithful disciple of our Lord, bringing glory unto Him and Him alone.

Justification and Regeneration

I haven't updated much lately because I don't know what to write. Ever since I came home for the summer, there hasn't been much to talk about. I suppose I'll start talking about what I read in the Word for the next few days.

Something that I haven't mentioned before is the kindness of the Leiter family. I'm talking about Charles Leiter, author of Justification and Regeneration, and his wife, Mona. A few weeks ago, I had a random urge to check the inbox of an e-mail account that I had never used. Lo and behold, sitting in my otherwise empty inbox was an e-mail from Mr. Leiter!

We had a short discussion over the next few days and I asked him for some recommended Christian reading and he was kind enough to give me a huge list of books. I don't know if I'll ever finish reading all of the books on the list but I'll definitely try!

The reason I'm writing this is that the Leiters offered to send me a free copy of their book as a gift. As a poor college student who doesn't have many book resources for theology, I happily and joyfully accepted the offer. Since last weekend, I've been the excited owner of their book and I am learning a great deal from it.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now, all these things are from God...

2 Corinthians 5:17-18

Mr. Leiter explains the intricacies of the doctrines of justification and regeneration in such a way that anyone could understand. Although I'm only halfway through the book (just started the section on the doctrine of regeneration), I've already learned a great deal about these doctrines. I've heard many sermons that dealt with these issues and they taught me a lot but this book is precious to me for its content.

I highly, highly recommend this book for any and every Christian out there walking with the Lord.

If either of you happen to read this, thank you so much, Mr. Charles and Mona Leiter.

Our Daily Bread

I haven't posted much lately because I've been busy. My finals went well, as far as I know, and I'm relieved to be finished for the semester. I packed up and handed in my dormitory key and I moved back into my house for the summer. I spent the weekend relaxing and catching up with my youth group kids, so it has been a great few days.

What I've come to realize is just how damaging or encouraging an environment could be. I didn't really notice it while I was at college but the college environment, even though I try my best to avoid parties and ungodly activities, really has a creeping influence on the life of a believer. I read the Word less when I was there; I spent less time with my Father there; I started enjoying the things of the world more, such as video games and television shows and movies.

Now that I'm home, I've actually read my Bible a few times. I've actually talked with others believers and had genuine fellowship, talking about the things of Christ and the life of a Christian. Just the change in environment has had a positive influence on me.

God has opened my eyes and helped me to see the tremendous importance of Christ and His Word, our daily Bread. How can we profess to be spiritually alive if we do not eat the Bread of Life every day? Without it, we will starve. I pray that the Holy Spirit would guide me, and anyone who reads this, into spending time in the Word daily so that we would not starve.

Insomnia Leading to Lyrics

I've had final exams all week, which is the reason why I haven't been doing daily updates. Today is my last final exam and I'll be packing up and leaving for home for the summer!

I was laying awake in my bed last night at 2 in the morning. I couldn't sleep and all I did was stir around in my bed, so I did what came to my mind naturally: ponder. I thought about God and His greatness and various lyrics began popping into my mind. In retrospect, I was thinking of lyrics because I wanted to write a song, but I was also saying a prayer of sorts to Him. A prayer of praise, awe and wonder.

It turns out that the lyrics are more poetry than song but that's a fine line, isn't it? I can always add a melody later and revise the lyrics if they need revising.

You gave foundations to the earth
And set all things in motion,
From the swaying of the treetop leaves
To the roaring of the oceans.

And the beauty of the things You've made
Have filled me with such wonder
Of why You would come down and die
To heal a bond we sundered.

You revealed Your glorious plan to man
When You hung on that cross.
Now everything that I once sought,
I count it all as loss.

And I'm giving up my sinful ways
To search and seek Your face,
To glorify Your holy name
Because I stand in grace.

The Beauty of God's Creation

This is going to be a short post since it's a spur-of-the-moment one; I just had to write about it because it's a rare experience for me.

I was procrastinating studying for my final exams tomorrow by browsing YouTube for guitar-related videos. I happened upon an acoustic fingerpicker named Staffan Svahn and I listened to his song, "Red Hills". As I listened, I read the description for the video:

Yesterday evening I took off late for my daily run. When I ran up into our valley the sun was setting behind me. As I gazed up towards the hills they caught fire. For about a minute the hills glowed in the most spectacular shades of red.

And as I read this description, the image that he witnessed burned into my mind. Rolling hills that glowed a fiery red against the backdrop of a marvelous, setting sun. Immediately, the thought pops into my head: "How great is the Lord?"

For possibly the first time in my life, I actually sat in awe and wonder at the magnitude of the God of Scripture and how beautiful His creation is. This was an exciting moment for me because I can't recall myself ever being in true awe of the Lord even though I know with my mind that He is beyond comprehension.

Oh, how great is our God? Praise Him forever and ever.

Paul Washer's Thoughts on Repentance

Paul Washer. This man has had such an impact in my walk with Christ, I dare say that I almost idolize him. I was converted through a YouTube video of him preaching and God has used many of his sermons to open my eyes to truth. I listened to another one of his sermons and it was exactly what I needed to hear in my struggle with sin and repentance.

I have so many people come up to me and they doubt the assurance of their salvation because in their scrutiny of their own repentance, they're expecting, almost demanding, that their saving repentance be the repentance of a mature believer of 30 years. They scrutinize every aspect of their life and if they don't look like a Puritan, then they say, "I cannot be converted."

What you need to understand is that repentance, in its initial seed, is simply a changing of the mind. "God is all I need. I need Him!" You say, "That's it?" It can be. "I can't save myself. I'm lost! I need a Savior."

You say, "But the Bible describes repentance in so many different ways!" Yes, it does. But are you expecting a full-blown repentance the second God begins working in your heart?

As I study repentance in Scripture, I look back at the moment I was converted and my repentance was a very singular thing: "I need to be saved!" But now after 25 years, as I grow in Scripture, my repentance matures and deepens. But you err, young person, when you scrutinize your life and you wonder whether not you're saved and you're looking for a repentance that can only be found in someone who's walked with God for decades.

- Paul Washer

As I've said in my previous blog posts, I am struggling a great deal with certain sins in my life right now. I hear so much that repentance is a turning away from sin and a turning towards God and His ways. Is that true? Absolutely. But repentance, like sanctification, is a process. This is something I've forgotten.

I keep reprimanding myself and I keep wrestling over the fact that I'm either not repenting enough or that my repentance is possibly false. Why do I think such things? Because I wrongly expect myself to completely abandon my sins as soon as I repent. I have the incorrect notion that I need to overcome these sins now or else my repentance is weak or inadequate.

That's not true. I was wrong. Should we strive for perfection? Yes, because our chief goal is to conform to the image of Jesus Christ, who is nothing short of perfection. But at the same time, it's a process. Repent when you sin but remember that sanctification is a process of growth and only God can determine how fast that growth is.

Christianity and Jobs

I've come to realize that the shower is possibly the best location for deep, meditative thoughts. Unless I'm in a rush, I find myself pondering deep thoughts whenever I'm standing beneath the warm streams of water and scrubbing myself clean. Sometimes I'll be thinking about possibly melodies for new songs, or I might be reviewing the message of the latest sermon I heard, or I might be thinking about events in my life.

For those that don't know, I'm a 19-year-old student that attends a small college in Northern New Jersey that focuses on science and engineering. I enrolled in this school before I was saved, which occurred in the summer of 2007. My major is Computer Science with a concentration in Video Game Design.

While I was in the shower the other day, a thought crossed my mind. Should a Christian have a secular job? I understand that there are many people out there who are truly saved and hold secular jobs. But as Christians, our chief goal is to be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ and to glorify God in all we do.

My question is this: is it acceptable for me to pursue a career as a video game programmer? Programming software is a very time-consuming activity. Isn't that time better spent studying the Word, praying, doing long-term missions, attending seminary, writing songs for His glory, etc? My main concern is that my time spent programming is wasted time that does not bring glory to God.

Can a Christian hold a secular job and bring glory to God? If so, couldn't a Christian bring more glory to God through other things?

Fascination With the Road Signs

The other day, I read an interesting and enlightening post over at Thoughts on the Way.

I am so thankful for the men which God has brought into my life – sometimes in person, sometimes through books. I still remember the electricity of hearing John Piper preach for the first time. In my mind he had to be at least 6’3”. I was shocked to find he was closer to 3’6”! I could tell you story after story concerning my exact location when for the first time I encountered several other men who have deeply impacted my life. The value of these men in regard to my growth in grace (and sometimes sanity!) can’t be calculated.

But O how dangerous they are to me! How easily I can get fascinated with the road sign! Men who are gifts to point us to Christ can become the object of our fascination.

And here’s the deceptive thing – it appears you are being God centered because you aren’t making much of men. But again this is an area which needs to be reformulated. God-centeredness is not self-degradation, or the degradation of other men. We often think that the one who is most humble will be the one who talks the worst about men. But even though you are centered on your own unworthiness, you are still centered on self.

- Mason

I think this also applies to my life as a Christian in a broader sense. The question is not only, "How often am I engrossed by the preacher and not the One being preached?" I should more often ask myself, "How important is being with God compared to ministry, songwriting and theology?"

In retrospect, I've found myself to be completely engrossed in the preacher (Paul Washer in particular) and not the subject being preached. So many times I am more interested in hearing Paul Washer preach because he is strong and convicting and even enjoyable to listen to. Scarce are the times that I truly meditate upon the message afterwards, communing with God and just being with Him so that I could grow in His ways based on what was preached.

Not only that, but too many times I find myself writing songs because I want to write. To be honest, my mindset when I write songs is sometimes completely off. There are times where I sit down and think, "Alright. I just want to write a beautiful song that is going to be popular and sung all over the world." There are times that I write songs because I'm bored, not because I want to bring the highest praise to the Lord.

As for the topic of theology, there have been many times that I've read Christian material just for the sake of knowing theology. Did I want to know more about God? Of course! But that motive was mixed with other motives, such as wanting to appear intelligent and godly amongst my Christian brethren.

All of these things (preachers, sermons, praise, theology) are meant to bring us closer to Him so that we could have an intimate relationship with our Lord and Savior. These things are meant to point us to Him! I'll be the first to admit that too many times I've focused on the road signs pointing me to Jesus and not on Jesus Himself.

Between the Altar and the Door

A few days ago, after watching a couple of NewSongCafe videos, I ended up surfing YouTube for Christian- and Worship-related material. I stumbled across a preview video for Casting Crown's album, The Altar and the Door, where Mark Hall talked about the songs, their meanings and the focus and calling of the band.

Something he said really affected me:

[The song] "The Altar and the Door" draws a picture of the frustrating journey we have of working things out of our Bible and into our lives. So to me, the altar represents those times where everything is black and white and everything makes total sense and you know the direction you're supposed to go and you know how you're supposed to live and it's all just perfect. And then you get up from the altar and you go out the door and by the time you're out of that door, it's as though everything just sort of leaks out.

The song "Slow Fade" deals with that fall because no one really falls. You know, you're not doing awesome one day coming out of a revival in your life and the next day you just crash. It never happens that way. It's always a slow series of small compromises that end up to the point where you're in a place that you thought you'd never be, doing something you thought you'd never do and totally rationalizing all of it, because your mind and your spirit have slowly changed to where you didn't notice it.

People never crumble in a day. It's always a slow fade.

- Mark Hall of Casting Crowns

I find that to be true. Nobody is ever saved and then commits murder the following day. As we live our lives, we still commit sins that we thought we were incapable of committing because we make compromises here and there and we allow ourselves to be lenient towards sin. As we compromise, our tolerance for sin grows. No one ever wakes up and decides to be a serial killer. It always starts off small.

But praise God for giving us His living Word. As we spend time in His Word and commune with Him daily, He has the power to change us, to cause us to grow in holiness and righteousness and to be sanctified from the ways of this world.

Time spent with the Lord is as good as it gets. Don't allow yourself to spend time with the Lord at the altar in a church but neglect Him when you're out that door. We all need to be in the Word at all times so that we don't compromise and fade and slide into sin.

Nothing In My Hands (Revision 3)

I suppose I should start posting up some of my songwriting so that it can all be consolidated on one blog.

Nothing In My Hands was written during a time where I felt far from God. I sought Him and I aimed to please Him but I think that was my problem; I was relying too much upon myself to please Him and not allowing Him to work within me. It was during this time that I was in a low-point; the first low-point since my true conversion.

I often wondered to myself if I was really saved or if that moment of conversion months prior was just another emotional high. I feared that the sins in my life meant that I wasn't growing in Christ and that my profession of faith was a false one. If I truly desired to please God, how could I live the life I was living?

And it was then that I spoke with someone and his words comforted me. He told me that sinless perfection, though it is something that we should strive for, is an impossibility during our stay here on earth. He told me that we will always sin regardless of how "good" of a Christian we are. He told me that my concern for my own sin and the fact that I was convicted of my sin was good evidence that I belonged to the Father.

So I wrote this song, which tries to convey the hopeless nature of all men apart from Christ. We must all remember that nothing we do is enough to earn God's love; He loves us unconditionally when we don't deserve it. This is why we all come before Him with nothing in our hands and this is why we cling to the only thing that gives us hope and life: the cross of Christ.

Nothing In My Hands

VERSE 1
Lost and hopeless, dead in sin
Lord, I needed You
I was wretched, blind and broken

You came down and You were slain
Lord, a sacrifice
My sins forgiven, I am Yours

PRECHORUS
Now there's nothing I can do but to trust in You

CHORUS
Nothing in my hands I bring
Simply to the cross I cling
Nothing in my hands I bring
Simply to the cross I cling

VERSE 2
Dry and thirsty, I long for You
Lord, You are my desire
You are the water for my soul

You conquered death and rescued me
Lord, You saved my soul
You shattered chains and set me free

As always, feedback and criticism for the lyrics are welcomed. If there is anything that is theologically incorrect or if something is wordy and does not convey the truth as well as it could, I'd prefer to fix it now!

Knowing Him Intimately

As an aspiring worship leader, I try to find as many worship-leading resources to help me cultivate my love for music in such a way that God would be glorified. I'm sure we all know of the popular worship artists, such as Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman. Their songs have been sung all over the world and they have helped lead many to worship God.

However, there are also worship artists that are under the radar, whether they choose to remain that way or because they're just starting. Somewhat recently, while watching a webisode of New Song Cafe, I came across a worship songwriter named Vicky Beeching. Her songs are a breath of fresh air from the typical Contemporary Worship scene, where most songs are watered-down in terms of theology and doctrine.

I just found that she maintains her own blog and I read one of her posts. She wrote:

[God] reminded me that I need to stop stressing myself out with doing and just rest in being with Him. He reminded me that it's only when we are connected to "The Vine" (John 15) that we bear fruit, not when we neglect the Vine by trying to bear fruit in our own strength.

And she ends her post by asking a question: "In your life, how is the balance between being with Jesus and doing things for Jesus? Is He calling you to spend more time alone with Him?"

I've come to realize that in the past few months, in my search for true doctrine and in my journey to avoid false teachings, I've grown so used to learning about God that I've forgotten to be with God. It's time to return to the basics, at least for now. Scripture comes first and foremost and literature from theologians comes second.

It's not enough to know about God; we need to know Him intimately.

Learning to Rely Upon Christ Alone

I try to be a faithful disciple of Christ. Since the day Christ saved me from the just wrath of God, I've had a desire to obey the commandments of the Father. I try to spend time in the Word daily; I try to praise and worship God with the way I live my life; I try to be loving and forgiving towards others, knowing that the forgiveness that God has granted me allows me to do the same. It's only through the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit that I'm able to even desire such things, let alone act upon them.

But the truth is that there are a lot of sins in my life that I struggle with. There are sins in my life that not even my closest friends and family know about. I find myself committing these horrible acts all the while thinking, "I shouldn't be doing this. This is sin." And even though I realize I'm sinning, I still do it.

After committing an act of sin, I often find myself thinking, "Why did I do that? I knew it was sin but why did I do it? Next time, I won't. I'll be obedient to Christ next time."

It's not until recently that I realized the problem in such thinking. I was saying that I have the ability to stir up enough willpower to overcome sin myself. Suddenly, I was placing faith and trust in my own flesh and mind to overcome the sin that plagues my life. Fortunately for me, God has allowed me to come across Christian blogs that have helped me to realize the errors in my thoughts. I read a post on the Thoughts on the Way blog and felt much better after reading an excerpt from Charles Spurgeon.

Take your sins to Christ’s cross, for the old man can only be crucified there: we are crucified with him. The only weapon to fight sin with is the spear which pierced the side of Jesus ... [You] must go to the cross with [your sin], and say to Jesus, “Lord, I trust thee to deliver me from it.” This is the only way to give it a death-blow ... You must be conquerors through Him who hath loved you, if conquerors at all.

Reliance upon self is the reason why I have been failing. I praise God that He loves us so much that He is willing to allow us to stumble and fall so that we might learn to seek and rely upon Him and Him alone. I praise God that He so carefully watches over His children and disciplines them at the right time, not allowing them to wander any further from the path of Christ than they already have.

One Door Closes, Another Opens

I've migrated over to this blog from my previous one, Servant of the Lord, because the old blog lost focus. I branched off to create this blog so that everything from this point on can be together in one place with one focus.

So what is the focus of this blog? The focus of this blog is similar to the original focus of my ex-blog. I'm going to be journaling my personal walk with Christ and the revelations that God gives to me through His Word and through teachers of the Truth. This blog will have more of a personal feel but it will aim to be God-centered first, me-centered second.

I pray that the content of this blog will be edifying for any readers and I pray that the content of this blog will urge readers to seek out God and to know Him in a more intimate way, not just in knowledge. I also pray that in all things, glory would be to God and God alone.